fragment of a conversation

Fragment of a conversation (plus unspoken thoughts/commentary)


"I've got to go....do some shopping....."


"Oh, your wife....." (in a tone slightly ironic, if not wholly unfriendly....)


"No, I'm not married....."


Look!  I perfectly well understand that at my age not only are most people married, but most have been divorced three times.  So, I'm an exception. And don't make some joke about how my wife gave me a list, bla bla bla (although my mother used to make lists when her health was better)....


What's most irksome here is not the stereotyped presumption of male and female roles, or even the suggestion that at my age I should have a wife (and own a home---another thought which doesn't offend me because I find home ownership not the least bit attractive)......


It's not exactly the thought that everyone lives this way:  married with sharp division of labor.
Rather, it's the knowledge that woman's work (so called) is largely invisible, and not acknowledged.
After all, what I've been doing for the past three years is the sort of thing often or mostly done by women.


All of my life I've heard my father brag about how hard he worked.  But, he never acknowledged that while he was working "hard", his wife cooked his meals, purchased his groceries, washed his clothes, and provided a place where he could relax.  He never acknowledged that his work would have been impossible without the help my mother provided. (It was as if he alone had worked hard and deserved credit.  What my mother had done didn't need mentioning.---Although, if you did ask him, he would acknowledge that my mother worked hard.  It's just that he doesn't seem to connect that fact to his hard work, which was somehow all his own.)  I've never had a domestic servant, so by comparison I've worked harder.  No, I don't want a domestic servant.  But, if my father worked hard, then I've worked ten times harder because I had to do all of the cooking, cleaning, and shopping.  


Indeed, the situation is even sicker. There are many people who are generously rewarded for activities which do not contribute to human well being.  And those who actually make a positive contribution are not so generously compensated.  The world is screwed up in a really big and basic way.  (Don't give me crap about free markets.  They obviously don't work.)  (And if you don't believe me, then read John Quiggin or Steve Keen......)