Saturday, December 31, 2011

non-stop disgust

a: Dear Gringo, don't you really go to extremes?

b: Why not?

a: You just make it all worse.

b: No, it could be worse. If I forgot what life is really like, if I thought that this misery which I experience on a daily basis is all there is.....that would truly be evil and hell.

a: but you are making yourself unhappy.

b: No, I am reminding myself that I am unhappy, and will continue to be so as long as I live in this wretched place.

a: So you think everyone around you is unhappy?

b: More or less.

a: But why should you be different?

b: Because I have lived elsewhere and cannot forget it. Everything reminds me of the ugliness of this place. For example, suppose I wanted to go for a walk. Where could I go? I would walk upon sidewalks in front of suburban homes. I would be the only one on the street, as large trucks zoom by. It would not be surprising if people shouted at me from the windows of the zooming trucks. A police car might slow down to inspect me. All those things are what I have experienced.

I would, essentially, be a lone pedestrian in an environment not designed for pedestrians. And it would not be pleasant or relaxing. On the contrary, it would be a stressful experience.

By contrast, were I to leave my apartment in a Central European city, the minute I hit the street, there would be other people on the street---either walking with a definite destination or not. I would not stand out like a sore thumb. I would feel the anonymity of crowds not the isolation of an irresponsible culture...... large trucks would not zoom by, and no one would shout obscenities at me as they sped by in their enormous climate-destroying vehicle. I would not feel like a potential crime victim or an object of curiosity and suspicion.

Multiply that difference by 100 or 1,000 and you begin to comprehend the desperate misery of this place----on the most mundane and banal level. It is painful to imagine; but that is my life today.

etc
etc

GMOOH

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